If I didn't know so many miserable fat girls, I wouldn't write this. I was a miserable fat girl for way too long, so these are the words of wisdom I have to share because honestly, I think its worth sharing (me and my delusions of grandeur, don't ya know)... Normally I'd do the "suck it up, no one really gives a shit" thing and the things I've learned would go unsaid. But fuck that.
Fat girls, skinny girls, all grrls, gurls and girlie girls are fucking awesome. Don't you forget it.
Mr. Freddie Mercury will provide the tunes.
CHILDHOOD AND IMPRESSIONABLE YEARS
I am a fat girl. I've been fat since I was 6ish. Wasn't always fat, I've got proof.
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| When I was three and firmly in the TrollBait stage of my development. |
Around 4th grade, I really began to chunk up.
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| At my best friend's 8th birthday. Chipmunk cheeks! |
By 8th grade, I was a 14 juniors and sporting a fat roll.
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| Besties ForEVER!!! 3rd grade and ever since. |
Freshman in high school, I was an 18.
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| The dangles on the ceiling fan are porcelain faucet handles, Hot (lights) and Cold (ceiling fan). The year 1995, when stripes and Elmo were hot shit. |
My junior year prom was interesting. My mom made me a dress in the most awesome shade of Mallard Teal. Couldn't find anything in our local area that was snazzy and in my size to get off the rack.
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| I love that color. So much feels. |
College, well, college was an experience for someone admittedly bookish and antisocial. My best friend called my roommate to tell me to get my "ass out to a party and live". There was talk of a cast iron fry pan as a physical means of peer pressure... I was more social and tolerated in college, but I did not have a boyfriend and most of the guys I knew were friendly enough; my roommate was the eye candy and I was the side of humor. I was great to hang out with, but anything else? Nah, bro.
Until I got married, I was somewhere between 22/24. After my divorce, I shot up to a 28 and stayed there for about 7 years before I went paleo diet and sooo much exercise. Got to a 20-- which for me, was epic. Felt so accomplished for shedding almost 80 pounds. Know what I consider my dream size? a 16. That'd be just perfect for me. If I were to get skinny, a 16 is as far as I'd want to go. I'm not greedy. I still want to be "full figured". A part of that, I think, is due to being fat most of my life. To a point, it has defined who I am and how people view me. All the jests about Baby Beluga and Oh shit! Look at those tectonic plates shift! Thunderthighs! ... those have left an indelible mark.
Tyrion Lannister is right. Wear your weakness as an armor and it can't be used against you. I'll be the first to crack a fat joke about myself in order to steal the bully's thunder. I'll take that power away, twirl it like a baton, then use the same tactic to comment about them. They don't like it when the tables are turned. Bullies never do.
I used to hide behind my fat. It took a huge revelation (which I call the Tea Theory) for me to finally embrace who I was, and even then, it took some adjusting from 27+ years of conditioning resulting in "Fat is bad, fat is ugly, fat can never be attractive."
To some, perhaps.
But not all.
One of the hardest thing for many people to grasp is acceptance of self. It's easier to accept other people with flaws than it is to accept one's own quirks or perceived shortcomings. There's a set ideal of what we are supposed to be, which is fed in part by the media, and in part by those around us. I could put on make up and look great... but I'd still be the pig wearing makeup, according to some. Things like that can stick to someone, far longer than they'd care to admit. I speak from experience.
Whether one is thin or chubby, skinny or super-sized, perfect strangers do not have a right to tell you to gain or lose weight. It's rude, and odds are, the person already knows what they look like and don't need a verbal mirror on the wall talking back-- our chubtasitc minds already take care of that for us, okay?
My daughter is six. I don't want her feeling as though she needs to diet to make others happy when she's older. I want her to be happy with herself. If I can get that nailed when she's young, then she'll have it with her for life from the get-go and won't have to learn the hard way like I did. She is so much more than something to look "pretty"-- why is pretty so damn important? It causes trouble. Helen of Troy, anyone? Pretty is not what its all cracked up to be. Pretty can get one only so far in life. Pretty is for moments, because life tends to get down and dirty.
If there is one thing that we must teach our daughters, it is to cherish how special they are without appearances coming into play. Appearances are fleeting, evolving. Accepting oneself, I think, is much more important than anything else.
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Tea Theory
People are like tea. There are many kinds of tea, and not all teas are pleasing. I can't expect to be everybody's cup of tea because not everyone is my cup of tea. Doesn't mean one tea is better than the other; both are equally pleasing to those who prefer said teas.
Tyrion Lannister is right. Wear your weakness as an armor and it can't be used against you. I'll be the first to crack a fat joke about myself in order to steal the bully's thunder. I'll take that power away, twirl it like a baton, then use the same tactic to comment about them. They don't like it when the tables are turned. Bullies never do.
I used to hide behind my fat. It took a huge revelation (which I call the Tea Theory) for me to finally embrace who I was, and even then, it took some adjusting from 27+ years of conditioning resulting in "Fat is bad, fat is ugly, fat can never be attractive."
To some, perhaps.
But not all.
One of the hardest thing for many people to grasp is acceptance of self. It's easier to accept other people with flaws than it is to accept one's own quirks or perceived shortcomings. There's a set ideal of what we are supposed to be, which is fed in part by the media, and in part by those around us. I could put on make up and look great... but I'd still be the pig wearing makeup, according to some. Things like that can stick to someone, far longer than they'd care to admit. I speak from experience.
Whether one is thin or chubby, skinny or super-sized, perfect strangers do not have a right to tell you to gain or lose weight. It's rude, and odds are, the person already knows what they look like and don't need a verbal mirror on the wall talking back-- our chubtasitc minds already take care of that for us, okay?
My daughter is six. I don't want her feeling as though she needs to diet to make others happy when she's older. I want her to be happy with herself. If I can get that nailed when she's young, then she'll have it with her for life from the get-go and won't have to learn the hard way like I did. She is so much more than something to look "pretty"-- why is pretty so damn important? It causes trouble. Helen of Troy, anyone? Pretty is not what its all cracked up to be. Pretty can get one only so far in life. Pretty is for moments, because life tends to get down and dirty.
If there is one thing that we must teach our daughters, it is to cherish how special they are without appearances coming into play. Appearances are fleeting, evolving. Accepting oneself, I think, is much more important than anything else.
_________________________________________________________________________-
Tea Theory
People are like tea. There are many kinds of tea, and not all teas are pleasing. I can't expect to be everybody's cup of tea because not everyone is my cup of tea. Doesn't mean one tea is better than the other; both are equally pleasing to those who prefer said teas.
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